Let me start out by saying I am not writing this for any specific outcome, but more so to maybe help someone else out there and to express my growth and understanding to myself.
I am a strong person and as someone who is in professional mode lots I try to keep all my ducks in a row. This can sometimes leave you lacking in your own personal fulfilment and I try to always remember to be human and fill my own cup whenever I can!
My husband and I want a family, we have for sometime. It is public knowledge but the lack there of we try to keep on a positive note.
I photograph families, children, expecting mothers, bundles of joy and watch the adoring parents with such love and excitement. I have been so lucky to have all this positive reinforcement in my life and have stayed with a very sunny outlook on it all. I am defiantly a find the good kind of person.
This carry's over to our personal life and home. We love our home, it may be older and small but we take pride in the fact we have made it a warm and happy place. We work away at each room decorating, renovating and making it our own.
In our home there is this one room that in the beginning of our journey we set out for our soon to be family. We decided to empty it and talked about what we would do with it with great excitement. The room slowly gained a name, babies room, and thus how we have since referred to it.
As time went on we continued to renovate it and have it ready to setup still staying positive that if we worked at it and kept the vibe going it would all come together.
Slowly the room started to loose it's luster and just became a reminder of what we were missing, junk began to pile up in it and door remained closed. Me being who I am and trying to always pump the positivity would open the door from time to time. I would look in and think warm happy thoughts, empty all the junk out and close the door.
We have no real issues, so that in it's self is positive and negative. The cards are there they just haven't been dealt our way yet. Whether it be life, a reason we just don't know or simply timing all we can do is think positively and continue on.
We had my grandma come to visit us and with stairs being an issue we had to set her up in babies room. The thought of doing this really didn't sit well with either of us. It was like by doing this we were denying our baby it's room. Seeming ridiculous and unpractical we temporally made it into a bedroom. Once my grandma left we stared at it knowing we should empty it again and go back to getting it ready for the future. With that came the sinking reminder that it was empty and the battle marched on.
So.......I made a decision, a decision I didn't realize at the time was going to be so big. I opened the door to "babies room" I cleaned it out and started decorating and setting it up. Not as a baby's room but just as a pretty room. I set the futon up as a couch added my favourite pillows and covers, moved some candles and books in and left the door wide open.
This room has amazing sunlight and now it just pours down the hall. As you walk through the house you can't help but notice the beam of light filling the house. It catches my attention everyday and I wander over leaning in with a big beautiful smile. This room looks so warm and inviting and not empty at all, it brings me joy and serenity and leaves no unpleasant feeling.
I have now started using this room, I sit and listen to music, I meditate, I work and I overall find peace. This room has become my little happy place. The candles my blanket and a good cup of tea leaves me feeling calm, happy and full. The room calls to me and I answer, if only for a few moments I give it my energy and it returns the favour.
As I sit here right now I know that this room needed this as much as I needed it. It is being filled daily with warmth and happy wonderful feelings.
Where there is peace there is a path to fulfillment! I have taken away the lack there of and replaced it with what I do have the here and the now. I have a wonderful feeling about this and think there is a reason soon to come!
~smile, Enjoy the little things because they will be big one day~